Survival Mode

Carleton got a double hernia surgery Wed. morning (we had to get up at 5:45 am to go). The next day Carleton collapsed onto the ceramic tile of our kitchen floor. He was unresponsive and the creepy part is that his eyes were open. I've only seen people non responsive with their eyes open in the movies... and they were dead. I screamed at the top of my lungs but he didn't do anything. I screamed asking where the phones were. I learned something about myself. I am not good in panic situations. I could not think clearly or quickly-I felt like I was going in slow motion. I dialed 911 and didn't get an answer. I had never pushed send. By that time, Carleton came to and told me to call his doctor. I was so freaked out I couldn't even think of where to begin to find the number. We talked to an on call nurse who told us to come into the ER. I thought of the Mark guy I knew that was a ski patrol guy and how some guy crashed into a tree and had said he was fine and then died. I worried about how hard Carleton hit his head. Annie was screaming and Apollo kept asking me to hold him. I must have screamed hard because my throat hurt. I tried to hold it together and told myself I could have a good cry later. I would have to drive and get to the ER (Carleton's always the strong and efficient one). The cliche phrase "the sun rises and sets for him" is how I feel about Carleton. I am probably more dependent on him than I should be. I told him later that if given the choice to go to a beautiful and peaceful place or he could stay, I asked him to stay. He told me this week that we will have a long and happy life together. This is my greatest fear, losing him or my kids. I used to get so worried if he would come home late and having this happen was such a scare for me.

They checked him over at the ER and gave him an IV of fluids. He had two taken Vicodin for the first time, and that without food. Since his surgeries were in the lower abdomen, most of his blood had gone there. The kids weren't allowed to go in so I wandered the halls of the hospital for hours (hours past nap time) until it got crazy and I drove them around until they fell asleep. Carleton can't pick anything up and has needed to lay low. I realize even more now how much he does to help. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the friends that have offered their help, help with food and with taking our kids. I appreciate it more than you know.

Carleton said he has more of an understanding for having a baby. I realized how hard it must be to be the caregiver. I asked him how hard it is to be the caregiver when I had my kids. He says he doesn't worry like I do that the kids are getting enough attention. Kids alive...all is well. He doesn't worry about good meals. Meal time- peanut butter and jelly....kids are fed-check.

Here are some pics from before the surgery (we haven't taken any since).



Glow sticks. I love the Dollar Tree. I bought a bunch of different type of glow sticks- swords, necklaces etc. It's great fun for Apollo at bed and nap time.


Here's his little hand wrapped around it after he fell asleep during nap time.

The dining table and chairs we ordered came. I made a ramp out of one of the chair boxes. Apollo had fun driving his cars on it. Annie had fun watching him and climbing on it.