The Crash(es)

We went rollerblading yesterday and had quite the scare. Carleton took the kids in the stroller on top of a hill. I had gone down (not much of a thrill seeker on my blades) to the bottom to watch them come down. Carleton told me later he didn't go to the top until Apollo had asked to go all the way. I watched them all roll down the hill together until the stroller took a sharp turn tipping over-it went down the side of a hill but luckily was stopped by a bush (a prickly one). Carleton stopped as fast as he could then went back up the hill. It was a horrible thing to watch from the bottom and it took a minute for me to get to them and I was hoping to hear 2 cries and was thankful when I did. Carleton said later that it was the worst day of his life feeling in that moment like he had just killed his kids (surprising to hear from Carleton because he's always super chill and positive). Luckily they just had some scrapes-some pretty good ones. Carleton pulled Apollo out from under the bush and Annie had been buckled in the stroller.

We got going again on flat ground and the same thing happens again!! The stroller all of the sudden took a sharp turn to the left and tipped over on the asphalt this time. Annie added a good bump to the head. The wheel lock had been adjusted to the far left so when we got going fast enough, it went to that position. We took it off the lock and thankfully made it home without a third flip. I bet the kids are looking forward to their stroller ride tomorrow morning.
















Ecclesiastes chp. 3 ...a time to break down, and a time to build up. A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn. A time to lose; and a time to keep. I do have two beautiful children and a very happy life but we were excited about the new addition to our family and had sacrificed a lot to bring it here. This loss has been hard to go through and it has been a crushing few days for me. In the morning, I feel like a truck has run over me and it's hard to get going. At times I have been overwhelmed by sadness and I am thankful for the hours that I have had to grieve, for friends that have watched the kids, for Carleton's flexible boss, and for conversations with family and friends. It was especially hard the morning after finding out and then Carleton leaving for work. I dropped the kids off and could barely make it home. I called Mom because I could think of no other way to get control of myself. She was probably worried about me. My mom is very understanding and Dad called back with some good advice.

Even though this has been an excruciating week, it has also been a week of blessings. At my church, I am the music leader for primary and nursery. I was overcome with the beautiful faces of my nursery kids as they were singing. I have been so thankful for the kind words of friends and family that have really pulled me through. I am so thankful for Carleton. He just lets me cry on him when I need to at random times and always says just the right thing.

Goodbye Little One

We had an ultrasound this morning and couldn't even see the baby. The doctor told me to stop all my medications. Apollo and Annie came to the ultrasound and when Apollo saw me crying said "it's ok...do you want to play with my bulldozer?" and handed it to me. I was so blessed to be with my husband that I adore more than I can say and my two kids that bring me incredible joy. The doctors hope the baby will pass on its own and if it doesn't, I'll go back in a couple of weeks for them to do it.

I feel a great love from my Heavenly Father right now. I know he has a plan for our little family that will make us very happy. I wish I could call each family member and friend to tell you "in person" so you don't hear it from a blog but my heart is sad today and many know that I'm waiting on ultrasound results from today.

We are a family prone to joy and my hope is that we come out of this stronger, more empathetic, and more thankful for all that we have. Because of the ultrasound last week and some miscarriage symptoms, I feel that we have had a little preparation. One night, as I laid by Carleton, I thought about what would happen if we lost the baby (or future baby) and I saw planning fun dates with Carleton and other things. We talked today about some fun plans now that I'm not pregnant. I'll get my roller blades back out and get back to running again. It's been hard not working out. I am very very blessed with good parents, siblings, friends, and extended family.

Magnum Opus

Happy Father's Day. This has been a roller coaster of a week. We went to LA for our first ultrasound and the doc could not detect the heart beat and was concerned because he should be able to see it. I took a blood test and my pregnancy hormone numbers look great. Some other hormone numbers were down so I took another blood test on Fri in LA. Other numbers were down so now along with other meds I'm taking, Carleton now gives me nightly injections. Not a small needle and feels like peanut butter going in (it's hard for Carleton to get the liquid in). I won't go into it but I've had two nights showing symptoms of a miscarriage. We have another ultrasound on Wed. Weekly meds run from 360-500 bucks a week, blood tests are done often and range from 100-190 bucks each, ultrasound 200 bucks. We are hoping that the emotions, time, and money will be worth it. Carleton said he's done forever with fertility treatments. We have a beautiful family as is. On one of the worst nights, I looked at Apollo and Annie sleeping before going to bed (like every night) and thought what a miracle that I have two beautiful and healthy babies. I snuggled in with Carleton for bed and knew down the road that everything would be ok. Carleton is my rock-my best friend. This week was nightmarish but doable because of him. He took care of the kids because I couldn't be on my feet. He is so positive and peaceful.

Carleton took the kids out for...of course burgers.





As Carleton was taking the kids to a party, I grabbed some white tights and cut one end and wrapped it around Ann's head. I thought she looked cute.





Here's what Apollo, Annie, I made Dad today.


Apollo and I just finished Charlotte's Web this week. When referring to the egg sac Charlotte made she said it was her magnum opus- her "great work." I thought of Apollo and Annie and thought they too are my magnum opus. I am not a spider fan but what a tearjerker the book was for me this week.

Happy Dad's day to my dad. Apollo's middle name is Kevin after him. He always has good advice for me and has been a great support this week. We both have a great love for education, learning, and life. We are alike in a lot of ways and I look up to him in a lot of ways. I am thankful for his insights and for our friendship.

Getting Organized

Thinking of adding a little one to to our two bedroom apartment has given us the organizing bug. We're hoping we will be in our own home before too long. We're gutting and cleaning everything out. I still haven't finished Apollo's baby book so Carleton did a fabulous job of making our garage into a storage/scrap booking room. I feel like half the battle is getting the stuff out and putting it away when working on any crafting thing. This way, I can leave it out and work on it for a half hour or so after the kids go to bed.



All Aboard. Suzana went out of her way for Donny and it showed by the big smile on his face.




I think Donny's face is so funny here. Check out the amazing cake!


Another fun party for Maia.



Apollo was singing this the other day and I was glad to catch him on camera. He loves to sing "Jinger Bells".


I worked on these hair clips this week at January's house. I love our weekly crafting get-togethers. I'm actually finishing stuff I start. I'll post how to do them this week on my other blog.

Back to Basics

Thank you Thank you Thank you to everyone for all your comments, phone calls, and prayers. The morning before getting the pregnancy results from the blood test, I was looking at some blogs. The kids were right behind me when I heard Apollo "It's okay if I get my hands dirty" -this is what we say to him because he always wants his hands perfectly clean at meal time. There was mascara and liquid all-day (really it stays on for two days) lipstick all over Apollo, Annie, and the carpet. All the mascara brushes were in the lipstick containers and vice-versa. Later after music makers, I was trying to find the car keys, juggle all the stuff in my arms, and was talking to a friend in the parking lot. I couldn't see Annie and I looked under the car and saw two little feet and pulled a dirty Annie from under the car. I was so emotional that day and was really hoping for positive results, I thought this is a yucky day-and it's going to end with yucky results. We got the call at 6:30 and we still feel like we are floating on clouds. I went in to tell Apollo "I'm going to have a baby" and he said "I love your baby." When I asked if he would have a baby sister or brother, he said "a sister."

I love everything about babies-cuddling, kissing, singing to them, nursing, being along with them in the middle of the night when everyone is sleeping, their smell, talking to them...everything. To celebrate I got this.





and this.


Back to Basics. I'm extremely tired and was with the first two in the first trimester. We live a simple life around here, but I really could not be happier. I can't lift the stroller and for awhile couldn't even lift Annie (I still have to be careful). I really have just been enjoying the kids. Apollo says the coolest and funniest things and I love watching Annie's loving but spunky personality develop (her newest thing is saying "all aboard!") Now that Annie is walking she has to lean over and touch each flower (even if it's super tiny)-she reminds me of my mom and her love for flowers and beauty. I feel lucky to be here for such precious moments. Our favorite time is still when Carleton comes home.




Beaching for Memorial Day.








Boy Blue. As a little guy, Apollo would play with this puzzle game but would only play over and over with the blue ones. We looked over the other day and were reminded our blue lover-just like Dad.






Kiddos after church.








Annie wearing one of my baby dresses. We all crash every Sunday. Since I'm in the primary the whole time, Daddy and Annie get to hang out for two hours just the two of them. Carleton told me today how much he loves that time.




Carleton found The BEST cookie recipe...wow. I'll post it on my other blog this week.

In Vitro...

Worked! Robyn is pregnant!